"Self pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world."
- Helen Keller1880-1968, Blind and Deaf Educator

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Day 1 Eve

There are so many eve's that we revel in, think about with anticipation, and just can't wait to experience.

Here's one I know all too well and dread: Day 1 Eve. Tomorrow is cycle day 28 of a cycle we "took off" to get my body in balance after the last early miscarriage. While I know if is most likely coming quick, there is that twinge of hope that says, "you could actually be pregnant. How great would that be if you just got preggo naturally, after all you've endured?"

To this, Hubby says, "well that would take care of a lot of stuff, wouldn't it?"

Yes it would. That would be a story I could think back on and almost laugh about (probably not). After all the pain, the years of fertility treatment, the loss of Sally Ann, some sweet goodness could come in the end? Excuse my skepticism, but I can't seem to hold my breath at this time. It is just easier to not get my hopes up. I am secretly planning a plan B for myself which is not quite how I had pictured my motherhood, but I just don't know how much more of this I can take.

In any case, I am looking at today as Day 1 Eve. I wonder what tomorrow, and next cycle, will bring.

1 comment:

Natalie said...

Yeah, I totally understand that. It's pretty comical when people tell me "it could happen!" Yeah... right. To someone else in a different life. It's rather hard not to become jaded when you've been through what we have. And really... it's just reality, sadly enough.