"Self pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world."
- Helen Keller1880-1968, Blind and Deaf Educator

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Ultrasound was a hit

12 weeks and counting. On Monday, I had my OB appointment. I hadn't seen this particular doctor since I was in the hospital with Sally Ann. "I have thought a lot about you over the last year. How are you?"

I burst out into tears. I am happy. Very happy. Even ecstatic. But all this excitement won't bring back my precious baby girl. Every fucking time I come to the office, I end up crying. It sucks.

We listened to the fetal heart beat and hugged. Things are going very well so far- completely normal, so she says. The new normal, I think. We decide that due to my high state of panic, I should come in more often, every two weeks, until at least until 19 weeks (that's when I delivered my daughter). I suggest we do this until about 24 weeks. Doc totally understands.

This morning we went for our first trimester screening which includes a highly sensitive ultrasound. Our little one is a mover and shaker, I'll tell you what! I couldn't believe how much exercise the little one was getting. It was amazing. I almost can't believe that I have this live being inside me, growing. I am so thankful to be in this moment. I hope I can stay in this moment until my next appointment.

Next week, I get to stop all my meds except the lovenox. I'm actually relieved that this part is over, but I'm panicked about stopping. Everyone says it's fine to stop. I need to trust that they know what they're talking about. We'll see. Maybe I'll ween myself off slowly.

The question of the day is this: to fetal dopple or not to fetal dopple? Should I rent a fetal heart monitor for the next few months or will that just make me more neurotic? What are your thoughts?

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Catch up soon, I promise

I feel compelled to write even with the exhaustion I feel. I decided that castching up on all your blogs was more important than writing on my own. As a quick update, however, I have a follow appt with the OB tomorrow and have lots of questions ready to ask. We'll be listening to the heartbeat if all goes well.

On wednesday, I have a first trimester screening that includes a sensitive ultrasound- I will ask hubby to help me post the pics. I think I will feel more relieved once we do that. For now, I am still pretty anxious, but at least I am 100% present this time- I am taking the time to feel every feeling, good or bad.

Please know that I am reading, even when I am not writing. And now, I think I need to go to sleep.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

9 weeks, 5 days- another milestone

I was wanting to post my u/s pics but I can't get my scanner to work. My hubby said he'd work on it but, if I wait for him to fix it, I may never blog again.

The u/s went well- baby is right on target, heart still beating- yippie. I also made it past another milestone. Last time, I developed a blood clot at 9 weeks, 2 days. Well that day came and went- no bleeding. I am so thankful that this pregnancy has been so different from the first, in so many ways.

Like my morning sickness, aka all-day sickness. I have been feeling like yuck yuck all the time and somehow love every minute of it. I went to the acupuncturist on Monday and she did some points to help ease the nausea. It worked like a charm- amazing- and yet I was scared shitless that something was wrong. Finally, on Thursday, the queasy feelings began to creep back in. I've decided that I'd rather be sick than worried.

My first OB appointment is Monday. All I want to know is when can I have another u/s?

I guess the next few milestones for me will be the end of the first trimester and then getting to the 24 week viability point. Last time around, my water broke at 17 weeks, 2 days and Sally Ann was born at 19 weeks. I keep telling others this- past performance has nothing to do with today. I do believe that- I just need to keep reminding myself. I deserve to be happy. I will be a wonderful mother.