"Self pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world."
- Helen Keller1880-1968, Blind and Deaf Educator

Friday, April 30, 2010

Introducing Tinker Bell

My little tinker bell was born on Wednesday, April 28, at 12:21 pm EST. She weighed in at 7 pounds 5 ounces and measured just over 20 inches long. Needless to say, I have feelings of sheer positive overwhelmement, coupled with exhaustion from the last couple of nights.

T, as I will nickname her here, is my dream come true. While she is at the beginning of her very existence, she is the result of years of yearning and cross roads, wearing lucky socks, heart break and plan B's.

This day does not negate the journey's twists and turns and will never bring back Sally Ann in any way. However, I sigh a truly sincere sigh in knowing that my life is once again forever changed- in a good way.

I am sure I will find more words to share about my feelings being here. For now, I need to tend to baby.

Thank you all who have come here and supported me over the years. Sometimes it takes a village to make a child.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Anxiety Sets In as the Date Draws Near

I am so excited as the date gets closer. My c-section is less than 2 weeks away. But the fear is setting in.

Will I get my life's dream? Will it be taken away from me in a nano second like before? Yesterday we had a scare that brought us into the doctor. I thought I didn't feel the baby move and we rushed in. The baby really wasn't moving much. After about 30 minutes on the non stress machine and a cup of very cold water, she was moving up a storm. Her heart rate was good and I was getting some contractions.

Now I don't know if I convinced myself that something was wrong. Doc says it happens to everyone, not just the dead baby mamas. It made me feel better. Still, I hope these two weeks don't kill me.

Attached are some of the most recent pics of me from a few weeks ago.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Yeah, but...

I am so excited now about what may actually come to pass in the next few weeks...my hormones are pulsing through my body. One moment I am happy as a clam, the next I am frantic and scared that something may go wrong...the following moment, I am hysterical over the loss of Sally Ann.

There is so much emotion brewing. I am a well spring of feelings right now. It is a most confusing time.

The happier I get about the little girl within me, the sadder I feel about baby number 1.

"Is this your first?" Will people quit asking me that freakin question?

I am feeling confused. I should be so happy...and I am. But I have so many more, unwanted emotions that accompany me on this journey. I suppose this is my life and I might as well get used to it.

Does anyone have words of wisdom?