Saturday, December 25, 2010
I spend many a night thinking about my journey and where I am today. The fact that I have my most cherished dream come true doesn't completely take away the tragedy and desperation I experienced along the way. However, at least there was a happy ending to an unhappy story. That doesn't always happen.
Do I have any regrets? Some, but it isn't worth discussing today. I am just so grateful I have the life I do with my most precious, sweet baby.
I miss Sally Ann tremendously and I wonder what life would have been like had she survived. I wouldn't have my little T if she had lived and that leaves me with an awkward feeling. I don't believe that things are meant to be but I do believe that my little baby belongs to me and I to her and the universe let us meet and fall in love.
And so the end of the story is also only the beginning and I look forward to what comes next. I hope to update you loyal readers from time to time to let you know what's happening. The question of the decade will be, do we have another? It seems so silly to even say it after the trauma involved in having miss T. However,we do have another embryo there, waiting for us, on ice. It perhaps couldn't hurt to just give it the old college try...
For now, though, please let this blog be a testament of faith, courage and resilience. Let this stand as a story about infertility, hope, baby loss, and continued desire for a baby. I never gave up and, for that, I got a my baby, my hope, my dreams and much more. I discovered what is truly important in being a mother. It's not about a mini me. It's about unconditional love and acceptance, complete surrender, and legacy. Oh- and I learned a lot about patience and impatience...
Most of all, this story is about Sally Ann. My sweet baby who didn't survive. I will love you always. Perhaps we will meet again. I hope so.
For now, let me say take care and good luck on each of your journeys. I will be wearing my lucky socks for you...they worked for me. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. May 2011 bring all that you hope for. xoxo