"Self pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world."
- Helen Keller1880-1968, Blind and Deaf Educator

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Hangover Saturday

Didn't quite feel like myself this morning. Must be the result of the grey goose Friday. My baby dog Lola nudged me a little too early than I wanted to move. Ugh! I found myself off balance and sore as I moved around the house. Nothing a day at the spa couldn't fix.

I had made wax and massage appointments months ago and it couldn't have come at a better time. No fun that my pregnancy massage was changed to a "normal" one, but my massage therapist is top notch and the good part is that I can go for 80 minutes now.

I somehow was able to find the humor in my ignorant waxer's attempt to make me feel better after the "what's new" question was answered in an unexpected fashion. I should have said "nothing" but I was concerned that she might remember that I had been pregnant and ask about it. Now I realize she probably wouldn't have.

Let me see, what was my favorite comment that she made? It was like a parade of all the stupid, insensitive one-liners wrapped up into a one hour session- and I couldn't go anywhere, I was naked from the waist down and only half waxed at the time. For those of you who don't know, please study this and do not use any of these lines in an effort to make me feel better:

--"Well at least you were not farther along or it would have been harder- you could have been more attached." Loss at any time is great. How could I have been any more attached than I was? Sally Ann and the future I dreamed of, snatched in a moment for unexplained reasons. The only response that came to mind was from an old Saturday Night Live Dan Akroyd line, "Jane, you ignorant slut!"

--"You could always have another one." Like that will make it better. Just have another one and you will forget the loss of your child. I worked 3 years for this one.

--"After my baby was born, I had to have a D&C and that hurt too." You have got to be kidding me. How do I even respond to that one? This woman was a teenage, unwed mother who is now in her 20's. She doesn't have a clue and I think silence is in order rather than screaming at her with all my pent up rage. She is only 3/4 of the way through the wax, so I better just keep quiet.

--"Do you want a girl?" Right now I want a live one- that would be good.

--"I don't know if you have read any fertility stuff but" -Let's see: this was only my life's dream since I can remember and I have been trying to conceive since 2005. I think I may have read a thing or two, and met with 3-4 specialists, but why don't you share with me your infinite wisdom.

--"If you have sex 4 days before ovulation, you're more likely to have a girl." I wish these types of issues were my biggst concern.

To add to the mortification I was feeling, I started to bleed in the middle of it. Nice. I keep wondering when the spotting will finally stop- it keeps stopping and then starting again. The waxer was actually tactful about that. She suggested I excuse myself to the bathroom to address it, and I contemplated making a run for it. When I got to the bathroom I realized I had to go back- there was still wax on me and I would have looked a little lopsided. Drats! Back to the stupid whore!

The massage therapist made it all melt away. I could have stayed there forever. I feel great now and the morning is no longer affecting me.

4 weeks to the day that my baby died and I here I am. I read a line in a magazine while at the spa. It seemed particularly poignant. Bad things will happen- that is inevitable. But so will good things. And I get to choose what I will focus on. Today, I'll work on focusing on the good. Wish me luck!


Mrs. Spit said...

Good for you for focusing on the positive.

I'm so sorry about the insensitive comments. DHAC (don't have a clue's) drive me crazy!

Lisa DG said...

I was visualizing jumping off the table and strangling her; then I imagined grabbing the hot wax and throwing it at her. Different scenarios kept coming to mind until all I could do is smile.

Natalie said...

Oh good god. I've been stuck in some similar situations and it's like my brain just screams inside while I purse my lips and grit through it. I mean seriously, are people just idiotic? I may say that next time. "Excuse me? Are you an idiot?" Snort. As if losing your baby at 19 weeks is SO MUCH better than losing it at 40 weeks or whatever. Yeah. Totally. (/sarcasm)

So glad you had a spa appointment!! Glad it helped, too. I didn't get a whole lot out of the last massage I went to.... I'm going to have to find a better place to go.

Nicky Laird said...

I dont think these people mean to be insensative or mean, they just have no idea of the depth of greif, probably the worst thing that ever happened to her was she broke a nail. I remeber a member of the hospital staff offered me their congratulations!! I just focus on the positive things around my baby, he was here I carried him for 18wks and I got to hold himI will settle for that little piece of heaven than to have never had him at all. He was here ,he made a huge difference and he left his tiny footprints all over my heart.