"Self pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world."
- Helen Keller1880-1968, Blind and Deaf Educator

Sunday, February 14, 2010

The New Normal

It is funny how this term continues to change its meaning in my life. For a long time, it meant life after my mom's death coupled with life after the death of my first baby girl. I could not go back to who I was before. No, I became am a new woman after the deaths of the two most important females in my life to date. I was no longer filled with hope and optimism. I felt scared and scarred. I felt like I was drowning, mostly.

Increasingly, though, my new normal has been a normal pregnancy- at least normal for me. I wouldn't even begin to compare mine with the happy go lucky 20-something oops sort of experience. No, my pregnancy arrived here, kicking and screaming, with much ongoing poking and prodding, and took a village to create. But here I am now, alone in my bed, 7 months pregnant with the little one moving and shaking to the lullabies I am playing on the laptop. To see me, no one would be the wiser regarding the journey I have taken. I mean there is no mistaking the fact that I am pregnant. And I am doing all the pregnant woman sort of things- eating lots of food, waddling about here and there, looking at baby sites, nesting, reading Dr. Sears....the new normal is that I feel like a pregnant woman and nothing more. I haven't been obsessing with the journey and all its painful the twists and turns.

The only indicator that there is something different is when the dreaded question gets asked, "is this your first?" I want to say, "is that any of your business?" I called the OB yesterday and the answering service asked me that question. It kind of brought me back to reality. Ah well, it wasn't the end of the world and I have gotten a bit of practice of late.

I wonder if motherhood will be a new normal or just normal.

For those who have asked...a pic taken today...28 weeks, 5 days.


Reba said...

you look fantastic! i agree, it is enlightening realizing that everybody has a story, no one's journey has been easy even though it often seems that way.

Bee Cee said...

Wow - you look great. I am 28 weeks 4 days today and you look much more pregnant - lucky you!

Interesting you say that you are 7 months. I have been saying 6 months as I am 3 months away from my due date (13 May). If I calculate using 4 weeks equals a month then I would be 10 months when the baby comes, which made me scratch my head!!
It's very complicated isn't it?!

Kami said...

You do look great!

Get ready for a new, new normal in 2 short months!

Addi's Mom said...

You are a beautiful pregnant women!!! I hate the question "is this your first?". I had the ob office we use put a note in my file that would pop up saying I had a previous loss and not to ask if it was my first. It stopped the question there but not everywhere else.
I can not wait until you are holding your precious baby girl in your arms! I expect to see an update and pictures on here soon after the big day:)!! I am just so happy for you!

areyoukiddingme said...

Looking good!

Normal changes all the time. I'm glad you haven't been obsessing about the journey - it will come up again, but right now, you can enjoy being "normal."

I hate the How many pregnancies/How many children question on forms...

sarah said...

You look georgeous!

Summer said...

You definitely have that pregnancy glow!

Throughout my successful pregnancy I found it hard to be at my OB's office at times. Everything and everyone there assumes that you will end up with a live baby. It was as if I had to leave the infertile me outside the door.

Can't believe how far along you are already!

Cara said...

Lisa - I read your post with a big smile on my face. I've been thinking tons about you lately as many of our group are deliving rainbow babies or becoming pregnant. Just thrilled for you that the ride has become about hope and the future.

Sara said...

I'm sorry about the losses that it took to get you to where you are today. I hope that the new normal brings you tons of joy.

Here from cdlc