Biding time until trimester #2

My next u/s is tomorrow. I will be 8 weeks and 6 days. So far, all has been well. I have felt conspicuously exhausted and nauseous which is heavenly for an infertile. I am savoring every tiring, sick moment.

I have begun to think back on "the last time"- not the smartest move from someone who suffers panic attacks. It was at 9 weeks 2 days that I developed the blood clot in my uterus. I know I will feel much better when that day comes and goes with no activity- but for now I am in the mode of trying not to get nervous. Even if I did get one, many women get blood clots that do not lead to preterm rupture of membranes. And- I am on lovenox for that very reason- to prevent blood clots. For now, I need to just surrender and be in the moment- good practice for being a mom. However, patience is not my strong point.

In other news, I am traveling for business later in the week and will have to give myself my own PIO shots. For those not familiar with what that is (be thankful), it is a big mother needle that goes right into the muscle of your outer butt region. First was going to make my husband and dog go with me on the trip. Then I figured, I'm a smart cookie, there is nothing I can't achieve.

I watched about 4 utube videos and then I retreated the to the master bath to figure things out. It turns out, I did a pretty good job of it. It actually hurt less than when hubby does it. Still, I'm going to have him do it on a regular basis until my trip and then when I return. I know this might sound silly, but that time is a bonding time- when he and come together and I feel like it's us two, as a team, making this happen.

Most of the time I feel likes it's me, alone,contorting myself into every possible position, even throwing myself against a steel wall to get a live baby for the two of us. It feels very one-sided. Not that hubby doesn't want a baby- he absolutely does. It's just, he gets to hang out mostly and then occasionally show up and jack off in a cup. Not really an equal partnership of responsibility on the fertility front. Ah- but he means well. I am so lucky that he has stuck around through this madness- my madness- he is definitely a keeper!

Houston- we have a heartbeat!

I will update you all a bit later...but I didn't want to wait longer to share the good news. I am now a graduate of Vincent Fertility Center ...wow! I can't believe I said that. Next stop- OB.

Coming along

Well, we had a bit of a scare last week. I was so scared, I couldn't blog. Beta numbers are supposed to double every other day. So my first beta was 63 and the sencond one was 85. The nurse said "they were concerned" about it. Why do they have to go and say those things?

The pain and fear and sadness I put myself through was horrible. I went to the dark place about of course this is my fate. Why did I think I could have this? Anyway, it was not a fun weekend with us.

I was freaked out beyond belief. Luckily, the first website I looked at (www.emedicine.com) mentioned that even an increase as low as 33% can still be consistent with a healthy pregnancy. I had not seen that before- I always had read 66%. Anyway, it made my hubby feel better and I had to re-read the website from my blackberry about once per hour or so to calm myself down.

On Monday morning, I got my next beta. All weekend I was praying for 213 (my lucky number). I got 189- good enough, more than doubled. On wednesday, I had 470! Everyone, including me, are very happy with the results. I have my u/s next Monday.