"Self pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world."
- Helen Keller1880-1968, Blind and Deaf Educator

Saturday, July 25, 2009

This time last year

It was at about this time last year when I finally accepted that my pregnancy was doomed and agreed to induce labor on poor Sally Ann. While I was in labor for 18 hours, making my due date tomorrow, this moment of resignation was the lowest point in my life to date. I so wanted to ignore the doctors and perinatologists. Maybe they were wrong. Why couldn't I have the miracle? Why was this happening to my baby?

Due to the risk to my life and future ability to conceive and carry a child, we ended this little beauty's life. With no amniotic fluid, I was told, even if she made it to 24 weeks, she would endure a painful death from premature lungs. She never had a chance.

My hubby and I worked on Sally Ann's memorial garden today. I'll show and tell tomorrow. We added a memorial stone and some special rocks and shells I've collected from all over the world. I am contemplating spreading her ashes tomorrow, but I am not sure I am ready to part with them. maybe I can put just a few ashes there? Is that weird?

I can't believe it's been a year. I love you sweet baby. I'll never forget you and the love you brought to my life.


Natalie said...

Thinking of you and Sally Ann.

Lorraine said...

My heart just breaks all over again for you - it is just so wrong that anything like this ever happens. But I think it's really beautiful that you are able to remember the love you shared with Sally Ann, and celebrate the way she changed your life.

I also think it's fine to scatter a portion of ashes. It's also fine to not be ready to scatter any of them. Either way, she will clearly be very lovingly remembered.

Sweet wishes to you.

Monique said...

Thinking of you & Sally Ann. xoxo

Reba said...

Thinking of you and Sally Ann during these difficult days.

Zil said...

Sending you strength as you honor your daughter.