"Self pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world."
- Helen Keller1880-1968, Blind and Deaf Educator

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Plugging away

Almost 17 weeks. I can't believe it. Not that the time has gone fast. On the contrary, it is going in slow motion slow. 16 weeks 1 day. 16 weeks 2 days...you get the idea.

We had another u/s this week. All looks great. Baby wasn't cooperating so no goes it on what the gender is. I have my hopes, but a live healthy baby is the most important thing to me.

Last year, my water broke at 17 weeks and I delivered Sally Ann prematurely 2 weeks later. This time for me is very tense. I know that this pregnancy has nothing to do with the last one, but the heart doesn't understand that. So many circumstances remind me of last time. So many questions that will never be answered- the most important one being - did it have to end that way or was there something I could have done?

Why even ask, I wonder. For now, I am fast forwarded back to the here and now. I am just another pregnant woman in the prenatal yoga class. Just another lady with a baby registry at Babies R Us. I wish I could be just another ignorantly blissful woman with child. I supposed I have to settle for who I am. It is certainly better than the alternative. And please believe me when I share how grateful I truly am to be here with baby number 2.

8 comments:

nishkanu said...

These big anniversaries are really tough. I hope that you make it through with flying colors and in the weeks that follow find ways to have faith in the process even if you can't feel confident in the outcome. Good luck!

onwardandsideways said...

I believe you. And I understand too well what it means to feel haunted.

But this IS a whole new ball game and 17 weeks, well into 2nd trimester is a wonderful place to be.

Sending you boatloads of trusting and relaxing vibes. That little baby wants is growing wonderfully and I know he/she can't wait to meet you.

Good luck and hang in there!

P.S. Thanks for the comments on AF. Definitely added to my peace of mind.

Jane G said...

I can't begin to imagine what it is like to get to the same point in the pregnancy as last time, but as you said to me in your comments, life is a very powerful force. I am keeping you and baby in my thoughts and prayers.

And Lord, do I know what you mean about time being in slow motion!

Ali said...

The anniversary's are what I am afraid of since it's only been six weeks since we lost Cadynce.

You will blessed with your rainbow baby at the end of this. Bless you and ((HUGS))

Lorraine said...

Since 17 weeks was my big hurdle, too, I absolutely know how precarious it is - too early to even hope that things could work out at this point, yet far enough along that you can't help being totally invested.

I think it took me another month to really believe I was past that point - slowly, but surely it's gotten so that I feel this as a truly separate experience.

I wish you the best, a full-term healthy little somebody and the kind of uneventful pregnancy that most people take for granted.

Reba said...

thinking of you and knowing how hard it is to get past the time in this pregnancy when you lost sally ann.

Kami said...

I wish I didn't understand what you are going through - the wait, the wondering - but I do and I am thinking about you going through it now.

Wishing you peace and a healthy baby.

Cara said...

One day at a time is all you can do. Getting past this mileston will be a huge step!

Cheering for you every day of the journey.