"Self pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world."
- Helen Keller1880-1968, Blind and Deaf Educator

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Ultrasound was a hit

12 weeks and counting. On Monday, I had my OB appointment. I hadn't seen this particular doctor since I was in the hospital with Sally Ann. "I have thought a lot about you over the last year. How are you?"

I burst out into tears. I am happy. Very happy. Even ecstatic. But all this excitement won't bring back my precious baby girl. Every fucking time I come to the office, I end up crying. It sucks.

We listened to the fetal heart beat and hugged. Things are going very well so far- completely normal, so she says. The new normal, I think. We decide that due to my high state of panic, I should come in more often, every two weeks, until at least until 19 weeks (that's when I delivered my daughter). I suggest we do this until about 24 weeks. Doc totally understands.

This morning we went for our first trimester screening which includes a highly sensitive ultrasound. Our little one is a mover and shaker, I'll tell you what! I couldn't believe how much exercise the little one was getting. It was amazing. I almost can't believe that I have this live being inside me, growing. I am so thankful to be in this moment. I hope I can stay in this moment until my next appointment.

Next week, I get to stop all my meds except the lovenox. I'm actually relieved that this part is over, but I'm panicked about stopping. Everyone says it's fine to stop. I need to trust that they know what they're talking about. We'll see. Maybe I'll ween myself off slowly.

The question of the day is this: to fetal dopple or not to fetal dopple? Should I rent a fetal heart monitor for the next few months or will that just make me more neurotic? What are your thoughts?


Lorraine said...

Such good news! I am just thrilled for you, and happy that your OB is so accommodating.

For me, the doppler is key. I even agreed to go on a two-week appointment schedule with my OB (down from weekly) after feeling so comfortable with the doppler. The one I got last time was low-tech, and I had a lot of problems with it - including thinking I was hearing the heartbeat but in fact it was my pulse with an echo. The one I have now is hospital grade, and the difference between the sounds is really clear, plus the digital readout makes it easy to know that the heartbeat is consistent. I love having it and use it every day - it gives me the reassurance that I would get from a daily appointment, which is what I really needed.

That said, sometimes it is hard to find the heartbeat at first. That can be panicky - my little guy moves around a lot, so figuring our where to aim the probe can sometimes take a few minutes. Sometimes I hit it pot on the first try, but other times it is a little worrisome. If you're prone to panic, it could be troubling. I just tell myself that I know it can be tricky and keep trying. Sometimes I can get a little "glimpse" of the heartbeat so I know it's there even if it takes a few tries to get the good "galloping" sound.

Alright, more than you needed to know about my dopplering, but there you have it. Now that I feel him squirming I'm not as nervewracked about it, but I'm going to keep the doppler for a while because I like having the hard data of an actual heartrate.

No info about gender for you? Do you want to know in advance? Are you a finder-outer?

Annalien said...

I am so glad that everything are going well! I pray that this continues for another 26 weeks or so. I'd say, go for the doppler.

Jane G said...

Congrats on your 12 week scan! If you think the doppler will give you peace of mind, then I would go with it if I were you.

Kim said...

Lisa, this is fantastic news! You have my prayers that the next 6 months go just as smoothly. I say if the doppler will help calm you when the anxiety kicks in then go for it. The way we worry is different and anything to help that is worth it.

sarah said...

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! If I were you, I'd rent the doppler.

Addi's Mom said...

I bought a doppler when I found out I was pregnant. I only used it once when I went to the doctors and they showed me how. Even at 31 weeks I have not used it because I am scared I won't be able to find it and I will freak out. I would rather call the doctors and go in for a heartbeat check than do it myself, not find it, freak out and then call the doctors.
The main reason I think I am so scared is because we found out by a heartbeat monitor that Addison had passed, so now they scare me.
This being said I think it is a personal preference. If it will help get it, but only use it when the ob offcie is open so if you are having problems they can have you come in and reassure you.

I am so happy that everything is going well so far! I can't wait to see you, maybe we will run into each other at the ob office:)

onwardandsideways said...

What lovely, wonderful news. I'm really happy for you. I remember my 12 week u/s. My girl was squiggling up a storm too. I could have watched that monitor for hours.

I did not get a Doppler. I'd heard from too many women, and also my OB, that they often don't work that well. So you end up with a lot of needless panicking because you can't pick up the beat, etc. I decided to trust instead.

On the meds, I did a slow wean. Some clinics prefer cold turkey though. From what I've read, there isn't a difference in results, although I personally think slow wean is easier on your body. I would say do a slow wean, except that you're at 12 weeks now, and you don't want to be on the meds any longer than that because your body is doing the job just fine now. My clinic started my wean at 9 weeks. I would follow your doc's orders on this one.

Welcome to 2nd Trimester, may it be as smooth as the 1st!

Kami said...

Wohoo! I love that your doc is so understanding and supportive too.

Yes, this is the "new normal" but as you said, it can be good too.

I opted to not get a doppler with the last pregnancy (I am a bit more distracted with this one) and I'm it worked out for me. There were maybe 2 times when it would have been good to have, but the rest of the time I was able to just let go and hope for the best. My mantra was, "as far as I know I am pregnant with a live baby today so I need to enjoy it as much as possible."

I think you need to do what will work for you.

Wishing 4 One said...

Amazing news. Wonderful and so so so so happy for you! Congratulations and wishing you the best from here on out.... - LFCA

Cara said...

Lisa - thanks for taking the time to comment over at my blog. You have not been far from my mind this month. I know you are quickly reaching a place where anxiety will rise.

Call if you need to. We haven't had a good chat in a while.


Good Egg Hunting said...

So good to see you're doing well and the baby is strong. I completely understand the motivation to get a doppler -- I have been neurotic throughout this pregnancy and there were many times I wished I had one. But I've opted not to get one, because I know my obsessively worried personality would only create more problems out of it...I have heard that sometimes you can't hear the heartbeat (I think with most you buy in the store you can't actually hear it until you're in the 20s), and even skilled medical professionals have had a hard time sometimes finding my baby's heartbeat because he is so active. I know that would only freak me out more if it happened at home. But if you think it would help you, you should go for it!