"Self pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world."
- Helen Keller1880-1968, Blind and Deaf Educator

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I should have bought stock in maxi pads

Captain's Log 9/16. it has been two weeks since I have written. I have been swamped with work and that was probably a good thing. My appointment with my reproductive endocrinologist is this Friday and I am a bit nervous. I hope she says I am ready to roll and begin again. I hope my insurance quickly approves. I hope, I hope. I am focusing on how great my life is- things are supposed to go well for me. I deserve everything I want and I can have it all.

I feel my cycle is beginning to get back in order. I bled like a sieve for about 12 days. The actual total amount of bleeding was actually about 17 weeks- with the bleeding in pregnancy, the post delivery and then this. Well, that phase of my life is behind me, thankfully. I should have bought stock in the Always brand pads. I could have made it rich.

Since I last wrote, my husband planted a memorial tree for us that my staff got us. It is a beautiful Japanese maple. I am terrified it won't survive as I heard other stories of tree planting difficulties, but I need to keep the perspective that the plant is a symbol for, not actually my daughter. What happens to the tree does not reflect on my ability to be a mom, nor will foreshadow future events.

I can tell I am in better mental shape- I haven't been crying all the time. I even made it a couple days here and there with no crying- I think. I feel better than worse on most days. I thought about Sally Ann this weekend a lot and I felt very sad. I met a woman who had her first child at 42- I love those stories. Share them with me if you hear them.

I have been at work for 12 hours today- with an hour more to drive home- I better sign off. I will update everyone after my doctor's appointment, at the latest.


Mrs. Spit said...

Tell me which state you live in, and I will tell you how the maple will do. It's a zone 5b, so it will likely be ok in most of the US . . .

I Believe in Miracles said...

I hope your apt goes well!! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you with insurance approval.

My mom had me at 37 without any trouble, and my aunt (who had trouble conceiving her first 2 - used fertility drugs) spontaneously conceived my cousin at 41. We're 3 months apart.


Cara said...

Whew...I'm so glad your back and doing well. The tree sounds beautiful and you never know...it may flourish!

Can't wait to hear how your appointment goes!