"Self pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world."
- Helen Keller1880-1968, Blind and Deaf Educator

Friday, August 29, 2008

A Wide Open Heart

Steel was forged by fire.

That was a saying my friend Karen mentioned to me yesterday. She reminded me that my heart was ripped open by what happened. In talking about how obstacles make one stronger, she asked me to think about what Sally Ann and this experience have taught me. Ok- people are always talking about what we learn from a terrible experience. It almost seems like a silly exercise. Let me try on that theory and really think about it.

What I learned:
**How very strong I am
**I am an amazingly great mother and would go to any length to save my baby- nothing off limits for my child
**I can love more deeply than I ever knew I was even capable of
**What a great, strong man my husband is and how intensly he loves me
**I am not alone- there are loved ones and strangers that have reached out to share in my pain and to give me hope. I have felt the true generosity of others
**I am a money magnet, convincing my HMO to spend 50K to fly me home to the states-if I can do that, I can do anything, or at least may have a successful future in sales
**I could get pregnant easily- even without IVF- and if I can do it once, I will do it again

These are all great gifts that I am grateful for having learned. Could I have done without these lessons? Certainly. No doubt about it- lessons I didn't need to learn. I would much rather have a baby and be ignorant regarding any of the above.


Mrs. Spit said...

Yes, yes. We would rather not have learned these lessons, and while it might be better to never get the lesson, it is tragic to get the lesson and not learn from it.

Anonymous said...

Hi lisa, i know what u mean, i too learned these same lessons and wish i hadn't. i would much rather be getting my son ready for his first day of 1st grade tomorrow. i guess it's true, what doesn't kill you, makes u stronger. i know it's a dark, painful, and heart wrenching journey right now, but just believe me when i tell u, the pain will decrease w/time. i can actually think of my son now and smile. it took a long time to push out of my mind all of the horrible things i saw and heard in the hospital, but eventually i could and only focused on seeing my beautiful baby boy for the 1st time. as u know, words cannot describe the love i felt for him and still do! take care