"Self pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world."
- Helen Keller1880-1968, Blind and Deaf Educator

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Returning to Work: Easier Said Than Done

I only cried 6 times today. The normal pressures of work, which are great, feel insurmountable. Today seemed like the day that so many people wanted to talk about what happened, to express their concerns and well wishes. It didn't make me feel all that great to discuss it over and over but at least they seem to feel better. Then the vendor that didn't know called and asked if I shouldn't be at home on bed rest still. Boy did that create an awkward moment for the two of us.

Three weeks, three days since I lost my baby. Maybe I am doing better than expected given everything. Trying to make sense of this is a waste of time, but I can't stop wondering why. Second guessing myself is a painful waste of time yet I have made it an obsession.

My back seems worse today. My left leg still hurts and is numb but the right leg felt numb this evening too. I better keep a watch on it. I was referred to a specialist to do some "nerve" studies and for physical therapy. I can't seem to remember to call for the appointment. Is memory loss a common sympton of grief?

3 comments:

Mrs. Spit said...

Yes. Memory loss is common. I have 15 boxes of salt. I just kept buying it.

Your brain is full, your heart is full, your arms are empty. Be gentle on yourself.

Jane G said...

Hi LD
I just found your blog via lost and found. I just want to say how sorry I am to read of the loss of your beautiful daughter.

I will add you to my blogroll if that's ok. I hope being back at work is not too difficult.

Every good wish for the future,
Jane x

LD said...

Thank you for your well wishes. It means a lot. I am definitely feeling less alone.