Always in the background

Just like a cut that is in the process of healing,my pain is always in the background. While I was in the hospital in puerto rico, my lower discs apparently began to compress, causing a numbing pain down the front of my left thigh. My primary doctor wants me to go to physical therapy or consider surgey to correct in the future. I don't feel it at every moment, but it is sort of a dull, numb pain that is pretty much always there. It is just like my thoughts of Sally Ann. I may be cooking, or lying in bed, or reading, or driving, going for walk...and she's there. She's in my mind. My daughter died.

I thought the hardest thing in the world was watching my mother die last year- actually almost a year ago to the day- from lung cancer. It was a slow death. She survived almost 4 years which is a miracle in itself for late stage lung cancer. The final weeks were really hard. I actually watched the body give in and die. I wasn't sure how I was going to get over it. The wound is there still but it does hurt less. The justice in that is that it occurred in the natural order of things- mom dies before child. There is no justice in this. No explaining why.